Saturday, January 06, 2007

The Michigan GOP's 10 Principles of Conservatism

The Michigan GOP recently published an entry entitled "10 Principles of Conservatism". We are reposting it here with a few minor editorial changes.

Ten Principles of Conservatism

1. God is a Republican
God is a Republican and should be visibly present in all public buildings. Right below large photographs of Ronald Reagan.

2. Life Is Important -- But Only If Declared So By a Republican
If you are poor or in a country we have unlawfully invaded, well then your life is worthless. Of course if we believe there is political capital to gain, we will falsely declare you to not be brain dead and we will spends millions of taxpayers dollars trying to convince the Courts to violate the law. Then we will declare all judges to be activists. By "activist" we mean judges that disagree with us.

3. Marriage and Family Come First, Unless You Are Gay

One of the core tenets of the Republican Party is to preserve at least one class of scapegoats. Right now we only have liberals and gays to pick on. Since we can't seem to stop liberals from getting married, we are determined to stop homosexuals.

4. Freedom is Liberty and Ignorance is Freedom
If we keep the wealthy wealthy, then we will always have an underclass. And by "underclass" we mean the middleclass. And if we deprive the middleclass of education by destroying the public school system through vouchers and other means of drastically underfunding it, then we can keep the middleclass ignorant. That way when we tell them they are free, they won't know enough to question us.

We will be able to enter their homes without knocking, listen into their phone calls without warrants, open their mail without cause, deprive them of trials at the whim of the Executive Branch, and still tell them that they are free. Oops. We have already accomplished this step.

5. Private Property is the Servant of Freedom
And therefore Servants, i.e., the middleclass shall not be allowed to own property. Since that pesky constitution allows them to own it, the only way we can keep property for ourselves is to make it so expensive that the middleclass can't afford it on the tiny salaries we pay them. Particularly when they have to spend most of their income on healthcare!

6. Government is the Seed of Tyranny
So we have to make certain that government remains in Republican control. We are much better at being tyrants than those sissies who run around demanding truth, justice, and the American way.

7. The Constitution Means What We Say It Says
Many of the problems in U.S. government would be resolved if the government would quit whining and just listen to the Imperial Republican President. Especially after he declares the Constitution unconstitutional and appoints himself the King.

8. Taxes Are Justified Only to Fund Necessary Government Spending
And by "necessary government spending" we mean Corporate Welfare. Like billions of dollars in subsidies to Big Oil.

9. National Defense Is Just That
The first duty of the federal government is to defend the American people against foreign enemies. Even when we have to make up the threat so that we can start wars so that we can make more money off of our stock in war profiteering corporations.

10. We Should Strive to Give Our Children a Better Country
And by "better country" we mean a Republican run and Republican owned country. Of course by "children" we mean children of Republicans.

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